I’m sitting here in my soon to be prior apartment, on my parents futon from 1998 (which is very nice and solid wood by the way), cat cuddled on my lap, a crocheted blanket my mom made me for Christmas between me and him, Single Drunk Female season 2, episode 1 on the TV in front of us, my open laptop in between. I’m eating buttered everything bagles, drinking cold coffee and thinking about how good my life is.
I have a job in a university department that allowed me to say, “Hey, I’m not feeling well, I’m going to work from home today.” A job that was offered to me just 2 weeks after I made the decision to leave my prior department because of an incredibly toxic workplace environment. But that’s far from where my thoughts are flittering.
I got married in 2020, 2 days before Florida shut everything down. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at the end of 2020. 7 months later, I started MS treatment and have continued to get infusions twice a year since. I have plenty of thoughts on MS and treatment, but that’s for a future share.
In 2022, the day before my 2 year wedding anniversary I had a podcast interview about my art, went to a hot air balloon festival with my friend, and me and Wolfgang moved in with my parents. I had decided that no matter how much my life was crumbling around me, I was still going to do what I wanted to do.
I spiraled hard. I tried to maintain life as usual. My mom was my biggest crusader. I was in the hospital for 4 days with severe gastritis and colitis. Wolfgang had life-saving surgery. My dad, grandpa, and brother in law ended up in the hospital. My dad had 2 surgeries, one over Christmas. I also got accepted into graduate school, went to Five points theater and Avondale antiques to prove to myself I could enjoy life alone, and eventually started dating again.
I started grad school, and things felt right. I soon learned that I had to relearn how to be a student again. I made friends and connections, and I’ve learned better how to write, study, and prioritize coursework, I’ve begun working on my own research and research with faculty.
Fast forward to now, 2024, I have one year left of graduate school, live with my incredibly kind and supportive boyfriend of just under a year, am moving to a new apartment this weekend, just finished a faculty nominated leadership program, am involved in 2 fellowships and an honor society, and feel incredibly grateful for it all. I’ve worked hard on rebuilding, but I have also been surrounded by faculty, friends, and family who see my strengths and support me. I’ve had at least 3 mental break downs in the past year with the prior mentioned job and losing what I thought were 2 seperate friendships, but the loss of those things and the support from my boyfriend through those times has had a positive impact on me as the days continue. I’m often overwhelmed and don’t feel productive enough, but I continue.
And through continuance, I’ve found a slice of peace.
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